maede.for.you.

i have been home for the weekend. one of my best friend's bridal shower's was today, which was beautiful and lovely. I am standing up in her wedding, and she is in mine...so it is a very special year for both of us.

my sister and kaydence are also home, and it has been wonderful to see them both! my niece is getting so big and walking and talking already! my sister showed me this blog tonight, and if you have time to read it...make sure to pull out a box of kleenex because I cried while reading the entire thing. it's a beautiful story, and it completely helps put your life in perspective.

speaking of perspective...here is mine as of late...

i have been stressed with wedding planning and work...but i am blessed. i am loved, i am clothed, fed, warm, and safe...and God is good. but most of the time, i forget those things. i feel as though i want everything in my life (and more specifically for my wedding) to be the way i picture it in my head...and when it doesn't turn out that way i get stressed...which is why i struggle so much with all the planning. i have these images that flash through my mind of what my wedding day will be like. the minor details change every once in awhile...as details with the planning change on a daily basis!...but the overall picture remains the same. that worries me...what if it doesn't turn out the way i picture? well i guess there is a risk of that, but there is nothing that i can do to ensure perfection - because i am imperfect. and i think i just need to step back and allow myself to soak that in. i don't want to believe that i am not talented enough to design everything for my wedding--but when it comes down to it i'm not...i don't have the time, the energy, the equipment, the money, the brain power, or the talent to accomplish everything that my dream wedding would consist of. plain and simple: i can't do it on my own. i wish i could be like all the ladies out there who post ten thousand "DIY" (*do-it-yourself*) projects that they did for their weddings...but i feel like i haven't been able to accomplish a single one! i have had grand schemes of sewing, gluing, cutting, designing, and making every single detail involved in our wedding...but maybe i need to just give up that hope....? around every corner is another reason just to buy the things i was going to make, because someone, somewhere else, made it better than i ever could.

i don't know what to do. i want to do it all. but why? simply to say that i did? well that is just silly. at the end of the day, on august 13, 2010...God willing...i will be married :) and that my friend...is really all i care about. the other stuff is just bells and whistles -- and as my fiancé would say, those things are just meant to cause hassles.

bottom line: i need a day at the spa, a good book, a strong cup of coffee, a week to catch up on sleep, time with my future husband and the God who made me...and i need people. so thank you in advance to everyone in my life who has ever offered me love and support - i would be lost and alone without you.